


Duality

by SpiritLock



Series: Amber and Ice [2]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Anger, Angry/Gentle Cullen, Angst, Arguing, Assertive/Submissive Inquisitor, Dark, Dirty Talk, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Fear, Fingerfucking, Letters, Light Dom/sub, Magic, Major Character Injury, Nightmares, Red Templars, Rough Sex, Sexual Tension, sexual dreams
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-11
Updated: 2015-12-13
Packaged: 2018-05-06 02:05:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5398799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpiritLock/pseuds/SpiritLock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lia turns up unexpectedly in Cullen's bedroom in the middle of the night. Cullen is mesmerised, but she seems different...</p><p>(can be dark in here)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Zephryn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zephryn/gifts).
  * Inspired by [let me give you my life](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3900856) by [fademarked (Zephryn)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zephryn/pseuds/fademarked). 



> Inspired by a beautiful AU piece by khaosanomaly. IMO Cullen is very hot, if quite dangerous in this work. A must read.

Cullen generally slept lightly; noises would tend to rouse him before he fell asleep again. When Lia had found this out, she’d made him lock the doors to his office at night. Previously he’d left them unlocked to allow the night watch to pass through. He had to admit she was right; not having the traffic traipsing through did help. Without the sounds of doors opening and boots walking across the floor, he did sleep better.

So when the walkway door opened below, it roused him. There were only a handful of people who held keys to his office. As he heard the ladder creaking, he guessed who it might be, but couldn’t understand why at this time of night. If they weren’t together already, she made a point of not disturbing him, so he could sleep. Not that he always managed to sleep through the night; the dreams would still haunt him on occasion. 

Now she was at the top of the ladder, stepping up into his bedroom, dressed in her mage coat, barefooted.

“Hello Cullen,” she breathed, her voice sultry, slipping out of her coat and dropping it on the floor behind her. Lia walked forward and paused next to his bed.

“Li? What are you doing here?” he asked, still not fully awake. 

Why had she come here in the middle of the night, especially after...? He rubbed his eyes, and then took a clearer look at her. What she was wearing looked vaguely like a night gown, but sleeveless and cut so it only just covered her hips. The material was thin, soft, and clung to her body, outlining her breasts. And she was wearing make-up, the lipstick a dark blood red, and her eyes smoky black.

“I dreamt about you, Cullen,” she purred. “Your mouth, your tongue, your hands on my body. Hot breath on my breasts, fingers pushing, probing inside me, opening me up; your tongue caressing, licking me.” As she spoke, he could see her watching him, and then her hand slipping under the fabric, between her legs, her fingers gently stroking there. 

Cullen wasn’t sure what was happening, part of him knew something wasn’t quite right in this picture, but he was mesmerised by her, she was beautiful, so beautiful. He felt himself getting hard, just looking at her. 

She glanced down at his erection, now evident under the bedclothes, and stopped. She then turned her gaze on him. He could see her eyes, dark and full of lust. He couldn’t look away from her, as she pulled away the bedclothes and got onto the bed. Lifting one leg over his thighs, she sat astride him. 

She moaned softly as she sat on him, pushing down, but not taking him into her. He could feel her heat and wetness as she settled on him. She leant forward, her face inches from his, and as she moved, she shifted over him, rubbing against him. The teasing, the tempting just made him want her more.

“You were fucking me, with such force, such strength. Your cock, hot and hard in my cunt, it was so delicious. The pleasure, the pain, it was exquisite, overwhelming. I wanted it to never stop, but then...I woke up. I could still feel you, a shadow before it faded away. My body now flooded with an ache, a fire, and I needed to come so very much. I tried to make myself come, Cullen, but I couldn’t; it only made it worse. I need you to fuck me. Please fuck me, make me come, Cullen,” her voice low, velvety, full of desire.

He was having difficulty thinking clearly, the feel and smell of her, and the pitch of her voice were in danger of making him force her down onto the bed and fuck her, he wanted her so badly. But he realised the words were wrong, she only spoke like that after he’d dominated her, never before. He had to break through her barriers first. 

The thing now on top of him had no barriers.

Cullen was now sure he was dreaming, and this wasn’t Lia, but a demon. His mind refocused immediately, and his hand went around it’s throat, pressing into the neck and windpipe. He saw the eyes open wide, and the hands now trying to pull his hand away. 

“Cul...len...stop...it’s...me,” came its voice, now struggling due to lack of air, and then the head beginning to loll backwards. He pressed harder.

Then Cullen heard Cole shout “Stop! You’re killing her.”

The shock of hearing him, Cullen let go. Never once had Cole been in his dreams. As Lia fell on top of him, Cullen realised it wasn’t a dream. He was confused, he didn’t understand, why had she...? And now scared, Maker, had he killed her?

Cole was now leaning over her. “Still alive. She was the other her, but you didn’t know. The song made her change. Quiet until now, the dream woke it, but now it’s quieter. Look.” He was pointing to just below her ear.

Cullen moved her hair out of the way, and when he looked, there was a hint of a tiny red glow. He checked her pulse, it was there but faint.

“Get Solas, quickly!” he shouted and Cole disappeared. 

He lifted her up, and laid her onto the bed, laying the bedclothes over her. He checked her pulse again, still thready. She was breathing, reedy and shallow. Then quickly dragging on pants and a shirt, he went back and sat with her, holding her hand.

“Li...stay with me, please,” his voice unsteady. 

It was only the evening before, they’d had their first argument about her risking herself for him, and neither of them had backed down. And he had been so angry...

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cullen heard the three raps and knew it was Lia.

“Come in,” he shouted testily. He was still annoyed at her refusing to discuss what had happened at the Shrine of Dumat. Well no more, he would have it out with her.

She came in, smiling until she saw the stern expression on his face. She rolled her eyes.

“Cullen, please, not this again. I made a split second decision to step in, a decision I would have made for anyone on my team in the same situation. Can’t you just accept that and move on?” she said wearily.

“No, I can’t Inquisitor. You put yourself at risk, unnecessarily. Corypheus is still out there, and your Anchor is the only thing we have to use against him. I am aware you are in danger most of the time, but taking chances only makes it worse. It’s bad enough you and Bull chase after damn dragons, but I accept in some cases they need to be dealt with. Your behaviour at the Shrine was unacceptable. I am replaceable, you are not.” Cullen knew he was shouting at her, but he had to drive the message home. Out of everyone there, she was the one they had to keep alive.

He saw Lia standing, arms crossed, her lips puckering to one side. 

“Have you quite finished...Commander?” she demanded. Cullen went to speak, but she cut him off. 

“Good. Quite honestly, I am quite sick of this self-deprecating, stubborn rubbish you come out with,” she shot back. Then mimicking his tone “I am replaceable,” she glared at him. “No-one, I repeat, no-one is an object to be replaced. I understand people die, and new people come to take their place. That does not mean they are ‘replaced’ as you define it. I only have this wretched thing,” she lifted her left hand, the Anchor glowing, “because I was in the wrong place at the wrong time...”

Cullen went to speak again, but Lia continued.

“I haven’t finished. Please allow me the courtesy of doing so,” she paused taking a breath. “But...I do have the Anchor, and...I am the Inquisitor. And the last time I checked, I believe that outranks you. It was my decision, I stand by it, and I would do it again,” she finished, making her tone as firm as the resolute look in her eyes.

“I still disagree with that decision. I believe your thinking was...clouded...by your emotional involvement with me. You chose my safety above yours for no other reason,” he retorted, getting angry now at her refusal to see sense.

“Fine, make a formal complaint in your report, and we’ll pass it to your superior. Oh and guess what, that’s me. Do you see where this circular argument is going? Cullen, it’s done, it’s over. Let it go. Stop hanging onto it, like a Mabari onto its enemy.” She rubbed her forehead now in frustration.

“Then maybe we should stop...” Cullen began, furious now, and not thinking about what came out of his mouth. 

Lia stared at him for a moment, then realised what he was about to say. Her eyes widened. “Just because I...” her mouth dropped open. “You would do that? I...” she couldn’t finish, the lump in her throat made her swallow. “I’m sorry I can’t...I just can’t continue...” her voice shaky. She felt sick to her stomach, at the thought he would even suggest it.

“Li...I...” was all Cullen managed to say, before she was gone, the door closing slowly as he saw her making her way back over the walkway, disappearing into the darkness. Maker, he didn’t mean it, why had he even... 

Lia was deeply hurt, the man she loved was willing to end it, just like that? He was the one who wanted to go with them, said he’d sleep better being there with her. It was the first time they’d fought together since Haven. She’d thought the matter was over, back at the Shrine. It now she understood it wasn’t, he’d merely ruminated on it, waiting for another opportunity to tackle her. She wished he’d never come along. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------

They had just made it inside the shrine, and taken care of the Red Templars inside the large Hall. Smoke and devastation was everywhere, and no sign of Samson. Cullen suspected he may have already fled, and the camp torched to hide evidence of the plans he and Corypheus had. 

Dorian, Bull and Lia had been doing their usual counting of how many enemies each of them had taken down. It was only light-hearted, but she could see Cullen’s disapproval by the scowl on his face. Maker, their work was serious enough; the banter helped them get through. And with the four of them there was always banter. Even Cole inadvertently made a joke now and again.

Going up the stairs and into the next room, Lia could see two Red Templar Guardsman, Bull and Cole headed for one and Cullen for the other. She and Dorian worked their way down the stairs him helping Bull, and her concentrating on the one with Cullen. Lightning and fire spells lighting up the room, red and purple flashes scattering between the enemies. 

Then a Shadow materialised before them, Lia dodged and Doran laid down a Wall of Fire, ripping right through it, frying it where it stood. As Lia looked up she could see a Horror just about to unleash on Cullen. He couldn’t see it as he was facing the other way. The last thing she wanted was Red Lyrium crystals getting into him. Although he was armoured, parts of him weren’t, and she didn’t want to risk a piece finding the latter.

Cullen was too far away for her to throw up a Barrier, but she saw a shield lying on the floor behind him. She Fade Stepped down behind him and grabbed the shield, turning into it, pulling it up to block the red lyrium crystals now flying forward. The crystals smashed into the shield and broke up, flying off in all directions. Because she couldn’t angle the shield correctly in time, what she didn’t manage to prevent was the red lyrium liquid the Horror then expelled scattering off the shield, landing on her armour, and bouncing off, like thick droplets of water.

She managed to throw a Lightning Bolt as it was preparing to fire again, and paralyze it, now leaving it for Bull and Cole to finish off. Cullen had seen the last part of this encounter, the liquid landing and bouncing off her. And he was definitely not happy; she could see it in his face. But he didn’t say anything until later. Right then, it was more important to find out what they could.

It was only later when they got back to camp that Cullen came to find her.

“What were you thinking?” he barked at her. “Do you know what could have happened?” he added now grabbing her arm.

She wrenched herself out of his grasp. “It was fine, and you could thank me for saving you getting blasted with red lyrium crystals, by the way,” she answered, annoyed. “Which one of us has spent more time in the field lately?” She knew that was unfair, it wasn’t due to choice that Cullen was back at Skyhold most of the time. 

His eyebrows furrowed. “It is my responsibility to protect you as Inquisitor. I can’t do that if you go around pulling stupid stunts like that,” he seethed at her. “I may not have spent as much time in the field as you lately, but I know risky behaviour when I see it. Do not...ever...do that again.” He’d stepped closer, his face practically flush with hers now.

Lia thought she needed to assert her authority, because right then she felt that the persona he adopted in their sexual role play was bleeding into their professional life. 

“Cullen, I understand you want to protect me; and it is part of your role to do that. I am not impetuous or impulsive, you know me much better than that. I took a calculated risk, no more than anyone else would have done,” she paused, and then said with her strongest Inquisitor voice, “Commander, I would strongly suggest you rethink giving me orders on what I’m allowed to do.”

For a few moments they were eyeball to eyeball, and then Cullen just turned and walked away, his jaw clenched. Lia turned and walked in the opposite direction, her hand curled around the tiny ball of lightning now crackling there.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------

Cullen heard the ladder creaking, and looked back to see Solas climbing up and out into his bedroom. Cole appeared behind him.

“Commander, Cole tells me there something has happened with the Inquisitor. Can you tell me what?” Solas asked calmly. Cullen wondered if the man was ever not calm.

“I...” he began, but couldn’t bring himself to say it, how could he.

“He thought she was a demon in his nightmare, he tried to...strangle...her. It wasn’t his fault...the song woke her up from the dream and brought her to him. ” Cole’s voice the same tone as normal, except the slight change in pitch when he said strangle. Cullen knew Lia accepted and trusted Cole, and how Cole believed in her. 

“The song?” asked Solas.

Cullen found his voice now, albeit weak, “Red lyrium, she has a small piece in her neck. Here, I’ll show you. Cole...found it.” 

He showed it to Solas. Now it was barely visible, the glow now dimming. He saw how Solas visually examined it, but didn’t touch it. He then checked her neck, the red marks where his hand had grabbed her. He listened to her breathing and heartbeat.

Solas looked up at him, his eyes wider now. “Do you have any idea when this happened, the red lyrium I mean?” he asked.

“At the Shrine of Dumat, it must have been then. She...she defended both of us from an attack by a Horror. A few days back.” And he hadn’t even thanked her; he’d been too focused on being angry.

Solas rubbed his hand over the top of his head. “Frankly I’m surprised it didn’t react earlier, but perhaps the magic of the Anchor had an impact. It needs to be removed and I dare not sedate her in her weakened state. I need to call on your help, Cullen. I will need you to hold her still in case she wakes. I would prefer to remove it before I fully start the healing process.” 

“Solas, whatever you need me to do,” Cullen replied. “I can’t lose her...I mean...” he stumbled, he’d wanted to say we, but it came out as I. 

“Cullen, I understand. Now shall we begin?” Solas asked getting his rucksack. 

Cullen nodded.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath, misunderstanding, fear and letters. Lia comes to a decision
> 
> A little heavier on the angst.

Cullen had been back at his desk for about an hour now, trying to work. He’d had no sleep, he wouldn’t have been able to anyway. 

Solas had removed the red lyrium from Lia’s neck, but it hadn’t been easy. It was quite embedded, and he had to cut deep. Although he’d given her some pain relief, she’d come to, seen Cullen holding her and panicked, trying to speak, but nothing came out. Cole voiced it, but Cullen guessed what it was, and hated having to hear it.

It was their safe word; she was trying to say ‘nug’. Maybe if she had been able to earlier...it wouldn’t have ended up like this. 

Eventually Lia had settled, after more pain relief, which put her to sleep. Solas had then been able to work, healing the damage done to her neck. Solas was optimistic her physical recovery would be good, but she would need rest. He didn’t know was what damage she may have suffered to her mental status. He had told them, that sometimes in cases of asphyxiation there could be memory loss, confusion or even aggression. Added to which, he was still unsure what other effects the red lyrium may have had. There was no way of knowing until she was fully awake.

She was upstairs in his bed, still asleep, her pulse and breathing more normal now. Cole had remained with her in case there was any change. Cullen had stayed for a while, but then worried whether it would distress her again, seeing him on waking up. All he wanted was for Lia to recover, to get better, and to forgive him. Again, his hand went up to the back of his neck, the action now a subconscious reaction to stress and tension. 

As he went to sit back down, he heard Cole’s voice calling him. He guessed Lia must be awake. Cullen headed for the ladder, and climbed up, nervous about facing her fully awake. Even if she was angry and sent him away, he had to at least apologise, however inadequate that was, for what he’d done.

He rounded the top of the ladder to see Lia sitting up, looking down. Cole turned to face him. 

“Her voice, she still can’t speak yet. She wants me to talk for her,” Cole said.

“Oh, I see. Alright.” He really wanted to see her, he wanted her to see him, but she didn’t move. He knew he had to apologise even if she couldn’t look at him. 

“Li, I...I don’t know what to say, other than I’m sorry...I would never...I mean...the last thing I would want to do is harm you...” he was stumbling now.

“She knows, she understands. She wants to talk to you, but with her own voice. Too many things to say. Wait for her, don’t be stubborn,” Cole was repeating for Li.

“I promise,” he replied. Cullen had to smile a little, stubborn, that’s what she called him. He saw her turn to and look up.

And then he heard Cole, a torrent of words pouring out of him.

“Maker...happening again...I can’t...why can’t I...too much...everything...flooding...drowning...so much ...too much...no control...all open... make him go...too much...so scared...” 

Lia’s eyes were now wide open, staring at Cullen, and she was shaking. He saw Cole turn to her. “Stop, it’s ok, it’s ok” he said, trying to reassure her and turned to block her view of him.

“You have to go, she needs you to go,” he said gently.

Cullen’s heart sank, feeling sick to his stomach. He turned away and walked back to the ladder. Of course she was afraid of him, why wouldn’t she be, after what happened. As he left he could hear the sniffling, and guessed she must be crying. Maker, what had he done? Getting to the bottom of the ladder he walked back to his desk. 

Everything here just reminded him now of her. The first time he took her on his desk, in his Templar armour, so willing, so wanting. The first assignment begun here, watching her go down on him, so aroused were they both, then telling her she had to wait until later before she got her privileges; helping her dress, because she couldn’t do it herself. Their first real argument here, only yesterday, when he’d practically suggested ending it between them, and the look on her face; so hurt, so full of pain at his words. 

Shame, regret, and anger bubbled inside him. So stupid, why didn’t he think? The past was always bleeding through, never leaving him alone. He thought he’d got beyond all that, she helped him, had always helped him. Even before they were together, she looked out for him. She loved him, trusted him, even in the role play, it was domination, but never fear. He’d been uncertain at first, but she made it safe for him to let out parts of himself. 

Now he’d destroyed her too. So much anger inside him now, why did everything good thing he touched get destroyed. And anger at her, why couldn’t she have stayed away from him. He should have realised no good would ever come of this. He should have discouraged her, turned her away before they even started, he should never have kissed her in Haven. He wished it had never been her that got caught up in the explosion at the Temple, her that got the Anchor, because then...

“You would have never met her, you loved her from that first moment, always loved her...” 

Cullen hadn’t even heard Cole, so absorbed in his own thoughts, his own personal pit of despair.

“Angry, so angry, at yourself, at her...”

“Cole, I didn’t ask for your help, leave me,” his voice loud, bitter, but not shouting. He looked up, Cole hadn’t moved, still standing there watching him. Well, if he wasn’t going to go, Cullen would, and got up. He didn’t need this on top of everything else.

“You shouldn’t be. She is scared, b...” Cole began.

His hand now opening the door, going to leave, Cullen shouted over him. “I can see that’s she’s scared! And I told you to go away!” He walked out onto the battlements, not even aware where he was going.

He didn’t hear the last part of what Cole was trying to tell him. “But not of you.”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lia could hear Cullen shouting downstairs, and realised it was all going wrong. He was angry and not listening. Stubborn man, he never listened when he was angry like that. She hadn’t wanted him to go because she was scared of him, she knew when he had his hands around her throat, it wasn’t her he was seeing in that moment. But she panicked, and not thought of the safe word until too late.

She wanted him to know it wasn’t him she was scared of and sent Cole to tell him, but it didn’t work. It was when she saw him, it started to all come back, and it frightened her, overwhelmed her. The feeling she had when she woke after the dream. There was nothing else in her head that night, but wanting him. Had Lia been logical, rational, she would have never gone to him, she was well aware of his dreams, and what they did to him. 

The lust took her over, was her. That night, that was all she was, just sheer, pure, unadulterated lust, the fire and ache inside her driving her to him. Not just that, she wanted to break down his barriers, make him bad. Make him desire her so much, he had no control. Even with all they’d done, he still had control. She wanted to break through that, push him, force him to let the darkness, the anger inside him out. She knew some was still there. And she wanted him to overwhelm her with it, to let it wash over her as he took her.

Now she understood why her thinking was so askew then, it was the red lyrium. Cole had explained. What she didn’t understand why her mind was still working that way. She had to send him away, get some calm back, some control. But at the same time, she’d hurt him. Maker, she needed to talk to him, but couldn’t. Right now she couldn’t be with him in case she lost control again, and she certainly didn’t want to talk about this through Cole. This was private, their world. Even though he’d probably seen some in her head, but not everything. 

It was too dark, too dangerous. Maker, had this always been inside her? It was so much the opposite of her, what she thought she was. Her mother would have had a fit if she’d even heard Lia curse, let alone what she’d already done with Cullen. And the make-up, that would have made her a painted hussy, she should be ashamed. 

Well, she was, but because she’d hurt Cullen, damaged him more. And after all the progress he’d made atoning, starting to feel better about himself. She’d destroyed that.

She wanted to get back to her room, get away. Then she would write a letter, she would explain, make him see it wasn’t his fault. 

Lia got out of Cullen’s bed and then felt woozy, but before she stumbled, Cole caught her.

“You should rest, Solas said you needed to rest.” 

‘I can’t, not here, I have to go,’ she thought to him. 

“In case he comes back?” Cole asked. Lia nodded. She was steadier now and he let go.

She needed clothes; she couldn’t go back looking like she did. And she probably needed to tidy her face. Maker knows what she looked like.

“I’ll get them for you. Your face isn’t so bad,” he said, wiping under her eyes.

‘Thank you Cole,’ she smiled.

“You trusted me, you let me help people. I want to help you,” he replied. “I wanted to help him, but he’s very angry.”

But before Lia could shut it down, Cole caught her thoughts. 

“Oh...you wanted him to...” he stopped, now looking at her. “But not like this.”

‘No, not like this, and don’t look any more. It’s not nice in here right now.’ Lia did want Cullen angry, to let it out, that was part of the dark side of her she’d discovered. But not like this.

“Sometimes I don’t understand people,” Cole said, disappearing. 

It wasn’t long before Cole came back. Lia had made the bed while he’d been gone, and as Cole waited for her downstairs, she got dressed. He came back when she asked, and went down the ladder underneath her, step by step, in case she fell.

Cullen still hadn’t returned by the time they were out of the door, and on their way back to her room. Only the nightdress remained on the bed as a sign she’d been there. In her haste to leave, she’d forgotten to pick it up.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lia knew she had to provide some explanation for why she needed to recover. Using the red lyrium as the story, she asked Solas to talk to Leliana and Josie and tell them about that, she knew they would be concerned, but also that Solas would assuage their worries. Because she couldn’t talk, she wanted them to use messengers if there was anything they required. Solas had protested at this, he said she should be actually resting, so she promised nothing too much, only urgent business. He relented at that.

Nothing about what happened with Cullen should be mentioned, she swore Solas to secrecy about that. He didn’t need anything else heaped on him right now. 

Then feeling tired, she knew she had to sleep a little, and crawled into bed. She would write to him after a rest, when her head was clearer. It was when she woke, she found the note on her bed, addressed to her in Cullen’s handwriting, and guessed he’d been here. She unfolded it.

Lia couldn’t quite believe what she read there, and hastily sent off a reply. For the next day, the letters back and forth began. 

\--------------------------------------------------

Li

I came to see you, but saw you asleep and did not want to wake you. Forgive me, what I did to you I can’t ever excuse. You’ve always been good to me, not to mention good for me. But I do not want to risk hurting you again, if you had died, I would not have been able to bear the guilt. I think it is for the best if we stop seeing each other, that way I know you are safe. I would not want to scare you any more than I have, and understand if you only wish to discuss things on a professional level. 

I love you, and always will.  
Cullen

\--------------------------------------------------

Dear Cullen

A note? A note to say you wish to break up with me? Really? What happened to the promise that you would wait to talk to me? Had you actually listened to Cole, you would have understood the message I tried to send you. It’s not you that scared me. It was what I did, how I was affected, and how I ended up in your room in the middle of the night. Which I shouldn’t have done, by the way. But I can’t change that now. Please come and see me, I can’t talk well yet, but I can write.

I love you always  
Li

\------------------------------------------------------

Li

Thank you, it still doesn’t excuse what I did, but I am glad to know you do not fear me. That helps. I think my suggestion is still for the best, surely you see that. The Inquisition needs you, what I need should be secondary to that. You face enough danger outside, you should not have to face it from your own. What happened could have been much worse. You should rest first, perhaps in a while we can talk, when we have some distance from this.

Cullen

\-------------------------------------------------------

Dear Cullen

We really need to talk now. My voice is getting better and I want to see you. Please stop pushing me away like this. I know what you’re doing, and it won’t work with me. I won’t let you throw everything away over an accident. Please think about this, it wasn’t your fault. I’m as much to blame as you. Come and see me, you promised you would. 

Love you always  
Li

\---------------------------------------------------

Li

Please listen to me, what we want, and what is best, are not always the same things. Whatever you want to call it, what happened was wrong and it shouldn’t have, irrespective of how or why. It just proved I am not safe to be around. What concerns me is that it might happen again, and I am not willing to take that risk, nor should you be. Your role is too important. For once, take my advice.

Cullen

\-----------------------------------------------------

Cullen

Stop being so stubborn, and so damn noble about this. What is wrong with us trying to work through this, at least talking to each other as a start. And as for advice, I‘ll take from you as my Commander, always. But on this occasion, as the man I love and will always love, whatever happens, you are wrong and I want to prove it to you. I told you once I always keep my promises. Do you?

Love you always  
Li

\-------------------------------------------------------------

Li

Now who’s being stubborn. Why can’t you just accept this is for the best? I worry enough about you being in the field without worrying what happens to you in my bed.

Cullen

\-----------------------------------------------------------

Cullen

At least you still think about me in your bed, I had begun to wonder. Don’t you walk away from me without at least talking to me first!

Li

\------------------------------------------------------------

Li

Please just stop this now. For both our sakes.

Cullen

\--------------------------------------------------------------

Cullen

Just come and talk to me, please. 

Li

\-----------------------------------------------------------------  
Li

Enough, please, let it go.

Cullen

\-----------------------------------------------------------------

Damn stubborn Mabari!!!

\----------------------------------------------------------------

Lia didn’t hear anything after the last message, and she wasn’t surprised. It wasn’t the most diplomatic or eloquent missive she’d ever written. But by then she was so annoyed with him for doing what he thought was the right thing. There was no way he would come to her, so she would go and see him. 

What she planned was far from safe, this was off the map, this was beyond known territory. The old Lia would never have considered this, she would have probably done what Cullen asked. But this Lia was determined, even if it went wrong she had nothing left to lose anyway. He could do no more to her than he’d already done.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lia puts into effect her dangerous plan...
> 
> POV Inquisitor
> 
> NSFW

Lia went across the walkway bridge to Cullen’s office. It was the middle of the night, but she guessed he would hear her as soon as she unlocked the door. It didn’t matter if he didn’t, she had a contingency plan for that. Maker, she hoped no one would see her as the wind was gusting a little. Someone was likely to see more of the Inquisitor than they’d imagined.

She was nervous, very nervous, she was about to do one of the most dangerous and perverse things in her life. This was insane and she knew it. But she was a Trevelyan, and once a course of action had been decided, a Trevelyan never backed down. Adapt yes, back down, never.

She unlocked the door, her heart pounding in her chest, locked it and then climbed the ladder upstairs. He was rousing from the noise. Right, she had some seconds yet. She opened her rucksack, took out the water and cup and filled it.

By this point Cullen was more awake, and just staring at her standing there with a cup of water in her hand, looking between it and her face. 

She walked over to him and threw it in his face.

“Makers’ breath, what was that for?” he exclaimed.

She mostly had her voice back, but it was lower, slightly gravelly. She thought it sounded even better for the purpose she had in mind. 

“Just to make sure you were awake. Good, glad to see you are” watching him wiping the water away from his face, some dripping on his chest and the bed now.

She got sidetracked by his chest for some seconds, the feeling now kicking in. She controlled it just enough. 

“Just so there’s no confusion, my full name is Lia Ursula Sabina Trevelyan, and yes I’ve heard all the jokes. I’m 28 years old, currently Inquisitor, late of the Ostwick Circle. And I like cocoa.” She saw Cullen’s face, he looked a little confused, off balance. She suspected this was not quite what he was expecting. Good. She slipped off her shoes and slid her coat off, now standing there naked.

“Li, what in the Maker’s name...” he began, now frowning, but staring at her.

She let as much of the feeling she had before wash over as she dared, she needed some control for what she may have to do next. In the last day, she managed to finally get a handle on it.

“You are Cullen Stanton Rutherford, currently Commander of the Inquisition,” she purred, stepping closer to the bed now, closer to him. “And I love you more than anything in this whole world.” The fire was already burning inside as she watched his eyes following her. She knew how black her eyes must be. “Tell me you don’t want to fuck me right now, tell me when you look at me, you don’t want to sink your...cock...into my...hot...wet...cunt. Tell me.”

His eyes were open wide, mouth slightly gaping, and she could see his erection under the bedclothes. He regained his composure, swallowed, and then spoke, his voice unsteady. “I don’t.” He was still trying to dissuade her, but his body gave him away.

She drew a tiny charge and zapped his arm. “Liar, I can see how hard you are.”

Cullen was up on his feet, and had her by the arms. Maker, he moved fast for his build. His face was angry. Good.

“What the fuck do think you’re doing?” he barked, right into her face. 

“You haven’t answered my question truthfully,” was all she said. Maker he was a little scary, but he was hot.

“I don’t want to fuck you,” he fumed, his face now angrier.

Another tiny charge, she was careful to keep them as small as possible. She zapped him again, this time on the leg. “Liar,” she repeated. This time he flinched, she was closer. 

He dug his hands into her arms harder, tighter, she could almost feel the blood being pushed out. She was pressed right against him, his breath hot on her face. She was just over half a head shorter than him, so only needed to angle her head slightly to stare back at him. His eyes were almost black, and dangerous, his jaw set fiercely.

His cock was so hard now, pushing down between her legs at an angle. She moved slightly closer and it went a little further, knowing he would feel how wet she was between her legs. The pulse was beating fast in his neck, and her heart was racing now. 

That feeling she had the previous night wanted her to give in and let it take over, but concentration was necessary to keep the shifting balance between it and control. The two sides of her, her duality.

“You can’t Silence me. What are you going to do to shut me up, Cullen? “ Her voice deliberately slow, licking her lips.

She could see his face, conflicted, wanting to and not wanting to hurt her. She pushed it, she didn’t want him to back away now.

“I won’t stop. You have to make me stop, if you can...” she let off a crackle, not at him this time.

“Always the same, always needing to be controlled,” he growled at her. “Should never be let loose.” 

She’d found it, the trigger point. She wriggled slightly. It was enough.

“Not this time, you don’t walk away this time,” he hissed at her, lifting her up, turning her on the spot and throwing her back onto the bed. He was on her so quickly, pinning her to the bed, his thighs over hers, his arms pushing hers back over her head. It was then she saw her nightdress on the pillow, he grabbed it and tied it tight around her arms.

“Keep your arms back there,” he ordered, his voice still menacing. 

But for her it was anything but. She thought she would burn up then. She didn’t move her arms. He was now leaning over her, shifting his legs, so one knee was pressed between her legs, forcing them open slightly, and then his mouth went down on her breast, sucking hard on it. If she hadn’t been so turned on it would have been painful. She felt herself arch up slightly, her eyes now closed, and the ache inside now almost a pain.

He moved his mouth from her breast, his head still against her, and she felt his voice rumble in her chest. 

“This is what you came here for wasn’t it. Begging me to fuck you with your dirty mouth, and your magic taunting me. Well, this is what you get, there are no safe words today.” 

He shifted his other leg between hers, then pushed his fingers into her, Maker it must have been at least three, and he had large fingers. He then moved them in and out of her roughly, there was no finesse. He was fucking her with his fingers. The fierceness took her breath away; she couldn’t even gasp and barely managed to swallow. 

“I know what you want, but I’m going to do what I want,” he continued gruffly, the reverberation of his voice going right through her. 

She could feel the wetness building even more inside her. The fiercer he got, the more aroused it made her. She didn’t know if he realised that, and she didn’t want to tell him in case he stopped. And Maker, she didn’t want him to stop. She was insanely turned on right now. 

She felt his fingers pull away, and her legs were shifted wider. He was right up between her legs, now rubbing his cock against her, and she couldn’t stop herself pushing back against him, wanting him to force himself inside. Her heart was still racing, a flush on her face and chest now, her nipples hard. There was no part of her that didn’t feel like a raging inferno.

Suddenly he moved away. He grabbed her arms pulling them forward dragging her to the edge of the bed. Now sitting there with her feet hanging over the edge, he raised her chin up, and grabbed her hair with his other hand.

“You wanted to know how I could shut you up? “ he taunted. “Easily,” he added, now pushing his cock into her mouth. She almost gagged. Cullen could not be described as small. She had to adjust quickly. As he moved her head back and forth, her lips now locked onto him, she became aware he was not pushing right to the back of her mouth. 

However roughly he was handling her, some part of him was still protecting the part of her he hurt. And for some reason, that almost made her cry. She felt pricking at the back of her eyes, and blinked hard. It was as if however bad he could get, however much he was pushed, that bit of humanity remained intact. 

It couldn’t have been more than a few minutes, before he pulled out, and dragged her back onto the bed. He crawled back on, leaning over her, his face against the base of her neck now.

“Quiet now I see. Good. You talk too much anyway,” he growled at her again, but softer.

He started biting and sucking at her skin there, and she yelped, not able to stop herself, now pushing her head back. He was shoving her legs apart, and this time, pushed his cock into her, hard and deep. She couldn’t hold back the scream, all the emotions from being aroused, from nearly crying, everything just all came together. The harder he thrust into her and it was so hard, so fierce and sometimes painful, the more noise came out of her mouth. Primal, animal noises she couldn’t stop escaping any more. 

Everything else fell away, whatever she thought of, whatever she’d planned, she didn’t care anymore. She just wanted the man she loved fucking her, nothing else mattered. It was ecstasy, pure ecstasy.

She was rutting up against him, trying to meet him on each stroke, wanting to, needing to come. So close, so close now, then breath on her face.

“I love you, Li,” Cullen said gently.

Lia screamed as the orgasm broke. All the pain, the hurt, the tension everything bleeding away, replaced by relief, liberation, as she crashed through what felt like an endless barrier. Muscles clenching hard onto him, over and over again, feeling his last thrust as he came inside her, groaning, grunting loudly, pressing hard onto her.

“I love you, Cullen,” she breathed back.

She opened her eyes. He was looking at her, panting, then smirking, that beautiful smirk. She grinned back. He kissed her and she opened her mouth to let him in, gently holding her tongue along his as he ran it around hers. It was brief, but it felt like bliss.

He untied her arms, then pulled back and out, and lay next to her. She took his hand.

“I thought you were still angry at me,” she said, rubbing her thumb on his hand.

“I was, believe me, until I realised what you were up to,” Cullen replied, turning slightly, his hand on her stomach now. “You’re persistent, I’ll give you that. You don’t give up.”

Lia snickered “I’m a Trevelyan, we’re worse than Mabari.”

Cullen was laughing now, and shaking his head. “Yes, I can see that.” He paused. “So, your name then...” he teased smirking again.

Lia groaned, “I can guarantee you there isn’t a joke out there I haven’t heard.”

He was absentmindedly stroking her stomach, then became more serious. “You took a risk though, you do know that.”

“I know I did, I had to prove to you that I was safe around you. “ She watched him earnestly now, waiting for his reaction. “And I was right, wasn’t I?”

“Maker’s breath, yes, you were right.” he replied sighing. “But Li, no more magic as foreplay, promise me?”

“I promise, Cullen. But if you wear your Templar armour again, I can’t promise not to have a reaction when I come,” she smiled. “That’s the only time it got too much and it bubbled up.”

“I did have a thought though. Am I safe with you now your barriers are gone?” his face was serious and for a moment she believed him, until he smiled.

“That depends on what assignments you give me,” she grinned back.

“You still want them?” he asked, now shifting onto his side and moving his hand onto her hip.

“Of course I do, I just don’t need them anymore. You get the dirty mouth for free now, whenever you want it,” she breathed. “And I still like your belt,” her hand moving down gently stroking him now.

“Maybe later. But give me some time, and I will fuck you senseless again,” he replied kissing her. 

Lia’s hand went up into his hair, holding on as he pushed his tongue past her lips into her mouth.

This time the kiss went on for much, much longer.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a bit of a dark piece, but I did enjoy writing it. Thanks to khaosanomaly for the inspiration. 
> 
> Would love comments/feedback, now its complete. Thanks :))


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